Behind the Curtain

Are you ready?

I lay on the floor. Just like he did.

I closed my eyes. Just like he did.

I copied his motions exactly. I imagined lifting off the ground. I held my breath to notice even the smallest movement. That would be a start. That would be enough.

When David Copperfield flew on TV, I was 8 years old. We had just moved into a new house that year. I started in a new school. It's the first house I remember living in vividly.

I still remember lying on the living room floor. On the cold tile. Ready to fly.

No, I can't fly. But the wonder and possibility I felt from watching him on TV. I wanted to be the source of that for others.

So I learned magic.

Cards. Coins. Cups and Balls. Linking Rings. Card Manipulation. Mentalism.

I kept searching for the experience. The thing to create wonder for another. Because that magic was beautiful. The haunting question of "how did he do it?" and believing that it happened as it appeared.

"Do you want to see a magic trick?"

It felt desperate to say that. Please, let me show you a small slice of wonder. Let me share an experience with you.

After a trick, the question "How did you do that?" would often follow. Some just out of sheer disbelief. Some people more persistent than others.

You have to be careful who you pull the curtain back for. For some it's confirmation that magic isn't real. For others, it pulls them deeper into the experience because they want to be the source of that wonder too.

Those are the ones who become magicians.

There was one illusion that was the most satisfying to share. For me and my co-conspirator. An illusion where it felt like we were creating the experience together.

Out of this World.

A fitting name.

It wasn't technical. It didn't require complicated mechanics. And it was wonderful.

Wonder. Full.

Those moments were few and far between. From my own insecurities about performing to the pressures of needing to get into a stable career, years passed and the space between moments of wonder got bigger.

School. Licensure. Work.

The things that the ubiquitous they value. The things that keep you moving in the system.

The moments of magic faded, but the pull towards magic never did. Deep in the recesses of my backrooms, there was a hidden treasure. Locked away. Sometimes coming on it by accident. Something never present and ever present.

Moving through the system brought me back to magic.

I saw Wayne Lee perform at a corporate conference. I had seen stage hypnosis shows before but I didn't know the people on stage. My logical mind erased the magic.

"It's all an act."

"It's not real."

"They're all in on it."

Your mind is the most gaslight-y person you know.

This performance was different. Wayne knew what he was doing. He controlled the stage. He created the experience.

He made me wonder.

"Why are people that I know doing those things on stage?"

"How is he doing this?"

"Where do I learn?"

June 2019

On the first day of the Architecture of Hypnosis, everyone shared why they were in the room. I said what was most true for me in that moment.

"I used to do sleight of hand magic and always wanted to learn hypnosis. Maybe I'd do a stage show or something."

5 days.

I saw behind a new curtain.

I saw a way to change lives. A curiosity that could open the door to a new experience for others.

At the end of course party, my classmates kept asking me if I would be doing a stage show or performing somewhere. I was so confused. I forgot what I said on the first day. It wasn't what I really wanted to do anyways. I didn't fully know what I would do yet, but I knew it wasn't that.

Not exactly.

Over the next 7 years, I had curtain after curtain pulled back. New perspectives. New understandings. New curiosities. New ways to wonder.

I explored occult metaphysics, the Enneagram, quantum physics, Human Design, Eastern philosophies.

I grew my hair out. I left my job. I started a new one. I got tattoos. I travelled.

Even after all this, there were more curtains obscuring the inner workings. Literally, my inner workings.

I looked outside for answers.

For validation.

For recognition.

For something to explain me to myself.

I felt like I was pulling back curtains, but I was sitting on stage, looking out at the audience.

I was lying on stage. Wishing for wonder. Looking for movement.

I wasn't brave enough to look at the movement behind the curtain.

From the Shore

How do you tell the story of a 40 year journey in one sitting? Like going for an interview and it starts with the question "tell me a little bit about yourself". Like how little do you want me to tell you? Titles are convenient. Hypnotist. Human Design Reader. Pharmacist. MBA. But what do these even say about me?

At the same time, they each say something. It's the ground that sits on the bedrock. The shores from which we interact with the world. When we meet someone new, they meet us at our shores but sometimes we can't see them through the storm that's raging in our sea.

How do you convey the experience of building on your own bedrock without seeing it clearly. It can create instability. It can take building, taking things apart, then rebuilding all over again.

Pharmacy school takes 4 years. Becoming a pharmacist takes practice. The Architecture of Hypnosis was a 5 day intensive. Becoming a hypnotist takes practice.

And maybe a little obsession.

3 years of consuming, thinking, and practicing hypnosis in any spare moment.

"I explored occult metaphysics, the Enneagram, quantum physics, Human Design, Eastern philosophies."

This line collapses hours, days, weeks, months, and years of studies. Years of thinking, rolling around ideas, making connections, drawing patterns, and integrating.

After all that, I still didn't have the answers. But now I had the capacity.

The bravery to turn the lens inward. To look back at myself.

Now I can pull back the curtain.

Your Move

What are you looking for?

The Magic of David Copperfeild XIV: Flying - Live The Dream (1992) https://youtu.be/8CehjowD-Xw?si=Kjks6wTkIvPmVhP0

The Architecture of Hypnosis https://mikemandelhypnosis.com/the-architecture-of-hypnosis-course/

The Kybalion by Three Initiates https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/14209

Wayne Lee https://waynelee.com/

佢哋 keoi5dei6 - The ubiquitous they