Grandmother

婆婆

My grandmother watched Robocop with me. Short Circuit 2 was another favourite. She didn't understand english, but that didn't matter.

She lived her life. Dim sum on the weekends. Laughing all the time. Mahjong. Lottery tickets. And watching TV. The TV would always be on.

She was my sage.

She told me truths, stated plainly.

She took my deepest fear and acknowledged it directly. She just said it like it was a Thursday evening.

"I'm going to die one day."

Every night, I said good night to her.

婆婆早唞

It was one small thing I could do. To express the feelings that I couldn't put in to words. To say "I love you" without saying it.

Every night.

When she passed, we were at a piano recital. There wasn't anything we could do for her at the end. She was mostly body, just living. When she passed, it was like any other Saturday evening.

But it also wasn't.

I tried to be strong. I said I was fine. I wasn't fine.

But it was easier not to think about it. But it was near impossible not to think about her. The emptiness was too loud.

The last time I said good night was after she had already left. It wasn't quiet. It just came out.

婆婆早唞

From the Shore

Even now, revisiting this 20+ years later, it still moves me. Reflecting brought back many memories I hadn't thought of for years. Memories creating emotions in the now. The shaking sea doesn't always pull you under. Sometimes it reminds you how well you have lived. I'm just remembering how she watched movies with me in English, even though she didn't understand the language. There were no subtitles back in my day.

Your Move

How are you showing up?